How does this look from their perspective?

Our relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives… and as much as we endeavour to do our best, it’s inevitable that times will arise when we don’t see eye to eye with someone who’s important to us.

The question is, how can we best respond when this happens?

Well, we respond based on how we think about the situation… and normally this is from our perspective… but sometimes this isn’t enough to solve the problem.

Their Perspective

Many years ago I was having relationship issues and someone said to me, “Why don’t you see it through their eyes?”

And it occurred to me that this was something that I simply did not do… and that shocked me!

Was I so caught up in myself that I failed to take into consideration the others point of view?!

This was a wake up call for me…

So, since then I have made a point to find out how to do this well and I’d like to share what I’ve learned with you.

IT’S OUR POINT OF VIEW!

Unfortunately, most of the time when we think we’re considering someone’s point of view, we’re simply imagining what it would mean to us if we were in their situation, NOT what it means to them… and this difference is significant.

To truly consider someone else’s position, you need to detach from yourself, step into their shoes and adopt as much as possible their way of thinking.

It sounds challenging, but here’s a technique that really helps.

The three POSITIONS Technique

Now this may sound strange to do, but trust me, it works.

You get 3 chairs, one for you, one for them and one for an independent onlooker, and place them in a triangle facing the centre.

You sit in your chair and see the situation from your perspective.

Then, you get up, mentally leave yourself in your chair and go sit in their chair.

You step into their body, looking through their eyes at you in the other chair. Do this as well as you can.

Become them, just as an actor would.

Leave your preferences and position behind and give them a chance to be heard.

Then you talk as them (out loud or in your head).

You see what they have to say. You feel and understand why they have this position, what’s important to them, what they really want deep down.

It sounds strange, I know, but I’ve been amazed at what extra information was available to me from their perspective that simply was not available from my perspective!

More Information

Then, if you wish to potentially gain even more information to help you evaluate your situation, then stand up and go sit in the chair of the independent onlooker.

• How do they see this situation?

• What do they have to say about how each of you are conducting yourselves?

WIN-WIN

There is one thing to mention…

This only works if you’re truly looking to understand and expand your view of the situation with the goal of resolution.

It won’t work if you’re looking to justify your position and win.

You must be willing to let your views go temporarily and truly see things from their point of view.